The Agony of Defeat

So it's official. The girls can ski circles around Tom & I. Sadly, our age is beginning to limit the stunts we can do...or are ability to buckle up our boots. This Saturday is the girls last lesson at Bradford with their school group. Here are some of my thoughts about skiing as a well...mature adult.

This Skier Still Has a Slight Edge

My husband and I used to ski before we had kids. In fact, we used to sleep in, take exotic vacations and go to the movies in the middle of the afternoon, but that’s not important now. Anyway, who needs a tropical get-away when you can take your whole family on a trip to an icy mountain in sub-zero temperatures for an afternoon of fun and pay more than you would for a week in the Caribbean?

Come on people, this is good quality family time. It’s all worth it, as long as you have stamina and really good circulation. I hadn’t been skiing in years but I discovered that you never forget how. It’s kind of like riding a bike, down a steep hill with no brakes. It’s the thrill that drives us to do it. (And sometimes the “après ski” part isn’t so bad either.)

Anyway, I’m being a bit facetious because I really do enjoy the sport. My daughters have already far exceeded my capabilities, and are not afraid to tell me that I stink, often and loudly. They were actually surprised – based on my history of extreme clumsiness – that I could even stand upright on skis.

It’s amazing how quickly children can learn new skills, and how hard adults can fall. Let me back up. As comfortable as I felt on skis after all these years, I still learned some very valuable lessons about the difference between skiing when you’re 45 versus skiing when you’re 21. I am happy to share some of my newfound wisdom with you:

1. Falling when you are 45 hurts a lot, even if you are completely stationary, on a flat surface and fall onto fresh powder. It might not look very impressive, but it feels like you’re the guy in the old ABC’s Wide World of Sports show who demonstrates “the agony of defeat.” Remember him?
2. Getting off the chair lift when you are in your 40s is a bit tricky. When you are 21, you simply glide off the chair in one smooth, effortless motion that requires very little thought. When you are older, it’s more of a pre-determined heaving of your body that requires much effort and maybe a silent prayer. You do not always make it.
3. If you call to your children from the chair lift while they are having a lesson, they will not acknowledge you or admit to knowing you. Ever. Waving your poles will not help. When you are 21, you can’t recall if children are even allowed on the mountain, but you can recall when the bar opens.
4. Your children will spend a good part of the day chortling wildly as you struggle to maintain your dignity. They will make fun of your hat, your goggles, and your reference to the “snow plow,” which is now called the “pizza wedge.” No one makes fun of you when you are 21 because you are perfect and charming and good-looking, and there is no one to dispute that fact.
5. When you are in college, you can ski for three days straight and feel great the next day. When you are in your 40s, you can ski for three hours and feel like hurling yourself out a window the next day; if you had the strength to open it.
6. When you are young, tumbling half-way down the slope and losing a ski is freakishly amusing and might mean missing class on Monday. When you are 45, the same scenario is just freakish and amounts to a week of missed appointments and being placed on short-term disability.

The moral of the story here is that everything we did when we were younger is still possible, as long as we take the necessary precautions and invest in some supplemental life insurance. Skiing is still great fun, especially if you stay at a resort that has a spa. That way you can soak your aching joints at the end of the day over a glass of expensive champagne.

Okay, despite my cynical ranting, I still enjoy a good clean run. Perhaps I can’t perform a back-scratching aerial while rocketing down some double diamond terrain, but I still have a bit of an edge. That much I’m certain of.


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