An Alarming Situation

Afer a "challenging" morning getting the girls off to school, I have vowed that from this day forward, I will no longer be the one to wake them up for school. The party is over: They will have to use their alarm clocks and I will hide somewhere with my coffee until they can do something other than snarl. Here is an excerpt from a column I wrote on the subject. I'm sure many of you can relate. We have the same issues here at bread + butter as every other family out there. How do you deal with school mornings? Let us know! Also stay tuned for another video diary tomorrow!!
~Sue

Here’s a question for you: If given the choice, would you rather be awakened by the gentle caress of someone slowly nudging you out of your peaceful slumber or by the abrupt and deafening blare of Lil’ Wayne or Ghostface Killa that literally shakes you vertical? I’ll give you a minute…and yes, there really is a rapper named Ghostface who is apparently part of the Wu-Tang Clan. I don’t know how or why I know that.

Here’s the ironic part of the whole thing: I like it. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. Lil' Wayne has practically saved my sanity in some bizarre twist of fate. Before he came along, I was the mean mother who actually tried to wake my kids up with kind words and gestures of affection. That worked about as well as Obama trying to help Martha Coakley’s bid for the senate seat.

So I bring it back to the alarming situation at hand. And believe me there’s nothing wrong with a little Jay-Z in the morning if it avoids this conversation.

Me: What’s wrong?
Daughter: There’s a lump in my hair!
Me: Do you want me to put braids in your hair? A pony? Help you brush it out?
Daughter: No, you’ll make it worse. It looks awful and it’s all your fault!
Me: But I haven’t touched your hair.
Daughter: I hate my hair (throwing brush) and I’m not going to school looking like a freak!

I’ll bet many of you have similar conversations if you have girls and I’m quite certain there is a boy version of the “evil lump” that is equally enjoyable. Who doesn’t like to have hateful accusations hurled at them before they’ve had their first cup of coffee? It definitely prepares you for anything else the day may bring like a short stint in a torture chamber or an afternoon in a guillotine.

But the alarm can save you from a disastrous first hour, even if the rest of the day is still a crapshoot. The key is to stay clear for at least the first 20 minutes, which gives your kids some time to be nasty and hideous without your witnessing it. By the time you emerge, they have transformed into fairly decent human beings who might even smile at you if you offer to make them some warm Toaster Strudel.

It’s not a perfect solution by any means. My kids will still spit toothpaste at each other, write things like “poop head” on each other’s sandwich bags and try to skip out on brushing their teeth if they can get away with it. But it’s definitely better than when I was dodging airborne hairbrushes.

The moral of this story is to keep an open mind. Pop stars can be our friends after all. I’ve learned to embrace the masterful artistry of Kei$ha. Tik Tok, Tik Tok…

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